


Always

by HeadmasterFelix



Series: After All This Time [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Bitterness, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Harry is kind of an ass too, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, James is an ass, Reconciliation, Reunions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2017-11-18 16:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadmasterFelix/pseuds/HeadmasterFelix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily leaves James after fourteen years of marriage and in the process of rebuilding her life she reunites with Severus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Background

**Author's Note:**

> If you previously had this work bookmarked or subscribed to, you will find that there have been a lot of changes! I have had a lot of chapters unpublished for a long time because I've had such a hard time writing the in-between parts. Like, I know how chapter Y relates to the chapter before and after it, but I don't know how to write the that part in an interesting way. So, inspired by the format of a lot of stories on AO3 that I've been reading, I'm changing this to be a series rather than a continuous story of a bajillion chapters.
> 
> Some parts will have multiple chapters, some only one. Every work in the series will have a note about where it falls in the story and how it relates.
> 
> Bookmarks and subscriptions should now be directed to the series rather than this work, 'cause this part is complete. Much more will follow in the collection as a whole.
> 
> As always, please kudos, comment, subscribe and/or bookmark if you like what you read. The feedback really means so so much to me.

    Severus and Lily met as kids, they fell into a childish love way back then. They went to school and grew apart, and Lily was assimilated into the Marauders while Severus was drawn deeper into Slytherin society. James always saw the connection that Lily and Severus had, and his cruelty towards Severus was in no small part because he felt a need to defend his territory. Lily and Severus occasionally flirted, and as their feelings were able to become more complex their flirting became more serious. Lily and James were assumed to be an item starting in their Second year, but Lily never made that official until Fifth year. She never stopped loving Severus, but she also fell in love with James. That's what she does, isn't it? Sees the best in everyone? And certainly there was plenty to be seen in James. In her Sixth year, James was starting to pressure her for sex. Not the uncomfortable "have sex with me or else" kind of pressure, but the "I love you and I'm ready... but you're hesitating. Why are you hesitating?" kind of pressure. She _was_ hesitant, and she did the first truly dishonest thing of her life, but she knew in her heart that it was the only right thing to do.

    Her first time went to Severus in their Sixth year. They both knew that they were not starting a relationship, that they would not be doing it again. They also both knew that they would regret it going any other way. They awkwardly stumbled over each other, they were clumsy, and physically it wasn't terribly satisfying, but their souls were deeply nourished. Lily stayed with him until morning, and her second time went to him as well.

    From there she was faithful to James. They were happy and in love. They got engaged. Severus faded from her mind. Lily faded from his - as more time passed, thoughts of her brought more pain than they did comfort. With news of their engagement he gave up any hope of companionship with her. He resigned himself to a life alone. Lily was the only woman he ever had any interest in loving. 

Lily's infidelity came once more. As her wedding approached she thought about what she was doing, and she panicked. She was 18 years old and she had essentially been with James and only James since she got her period. At first she only thought that she needed more time to explore her life, to have more options, but as time passed she began to believe that the real problem was that she making vows to the wrong man. Still, her ideals of loyalty prevailed and she decided to stay with James. She did love him, after all, and she really did want to build a life with him. She had never said a thing to him that she did not mean. Two days before her wedding, Lily disappeared. She told no one where she was going, not even Remus who was her closest friend. She showed up at Severus's doorstep with nothing but a purse containing a change of clothes and her wand. He looked different - he was not warm to her. His greeting was cold. He asked her, cruelly, if she had come to run away from her predicament and if she was always going to expect him to get her out of her problems.

    Lily had an easy time of breaking through his walls. They spent the next two days together talking, catching up, making love, giving and receiving advice. Ultimately, Lily ended up at the altar with James. Severus had talked her into it. He told her about all the things she wanted with him, about their connection, about what a great man he was. In truth, he believed only half of it. What he really thought was that Lily would be happy with James, and that if Severus were actually the kind of man that could make her happy, she would have noticed it years ago. Instead he was worth only an occasional fling, he could bring her only fleeting happiness, and if he had allowed her to stay Lily would have inevitably tried to build a miserable, shunned life with him. Two mudbloods, one a run-away bride - a Gryffindor with no honor, and the other Snivilus Snape. What good would that do anyone? Now Lily could have pride, honor, and a good life. And he... would make the best of it that he could. Truly, it did not matter to him what became of him. All that could ever matter was what would become of his beloved Lily Evans.

    They had no contact over the next several years. No letters, no visits, not a thing. Eleven years later, however, Severus saw something that made his heart ache with a long-forgotten loneliness. As the First years filed into the Great Hall on September 1st, he caught sight of Lily's glorious and sparkling green eyes. His heart skipped before he realized that they were attached to a short, brown-haired and bespectacled boy. Then he felt sick. Although Harry had no bit of Voldemort within him, the Sorting Hat still hesitated. He was very close to becoming a Slytherin. Ultimately, he joined Ron Weasley at Gryffindor.


	2. A Difficult Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily comes to Severus for the first time in 14 years to ask him for a favor and a deep secret is revealed.

    Severus taught the young Potter boy. In fact, he did more than teach - he pushed. As much disdain as he had for the boy's father and for what his existence represented, he still loved Lily and he would see to it that her boy became an educated Wizard. It seemed like cruelty, and Harry was convinced that Severus hated him, but truly it was making him into a better adult. Severus was quick with reprimand, insistent that his grades were perfect, and treated him with requirements that were no less what he would expect of his own son. He wanted at least that much for Lily's child. Despite his efforts, Harry slipped down that inevitable path towards bullying and generally nasty James-like behavior. Without being his head of house, there was nothing that Severus could do about it.

    It was just that behavior that led Lily to doubt the last several years of her life. Harry was doing all the things she was hoping he wouldn't get from James. More stories about bullying found their way through the grapevine, and as his Quidditch standings went up his grades went down. There was no doubt that he was brilliant - he was so much more than a jock and she knew that... but he refused to see that and she was afraid it was because of James's reputation. She spent two years trying to reverse it herself, asking for McGonagall's help, making James give him counter influences (which somehow always turned into stories about the Marauders or great Quidditch games...) and pulling other good male role models into his life like Remus and Arthur, but still he slid down the path of a jerk. It was driving her crazy, and what was making it all worse was James's insistence that he was fine. That it was natural for boys to bully other boys, that his grades didn't really mean that much, that he was turning out just like his father and his father had done very well. It made her stomach turn for so many reasons. She spent another year living with growing regret. The decision she made so many years ago did not just seal her fate - it did not just lock her into a dead-end life of obligatory stay-at-home motherhood followed by meaningless jobs; it may have ruined her son's future as well.

    During Harry's Fourth year she could not take it anymore. OWLs would be next year and she was desperate to find a way to make him care. It wasn't necessarily a logical decision, and it was certain to disrupt her life in large ways, but inwardly that was what Lily really wanted. Divorce had been deep in her heart for a long time. She was sabotaging her own marriage now, trying to put reasons in front of her to make her go through with it. What a dirty word that is - divorce. It's not done. It's never done. Wizards do not divorce, no matter how miserable things get. Their marriages may be annulled in severe cases, but James had never raised a hand to her and he never would. It was such a dirty word that Lily had not yet consciously thought it.

    So, armed with convincing arguments and deep secrets, Lily set out for Hogwarts for the first time in more than a decade. She had gotten the Headmaster's permission, but would be arriving unannounced to Severus. She didn't want him to have time to harden himself to her.

 

    Severus sat in his office grading papers. Although he slipped in all his other classes, it seemed Harry still pushed himself in potions, and Severus still found his work honestly deserving of the title "Exceeds Expectations." It seemed some part of Harry still cared.

_Knock knock knock_

    'So help me, if that's Draco again...' Severus rose from his seat, his robes flowing rather dramatically around him. He opened the door, his gaze directed downward. Rather than seeing the face of a young student he saw a pair of large breasts bundled in a maroon t-shirt. He cleared his throat and brought his eyes upward. He could have never anticipated what he was going to see. Those incredible green eyes. His best, most treasured memories all contained those eyes. Every course he had ever taken and every long hour spent practicing Legilimency and Occlumency was to protect those eyes despite the insistence of everyone else that the Dark Lord was gone. Somehow he had spent the last ten years forgetting all of that -forgetting the eyes that he lived for, that he drove himself to excellence for. It had been difficult, but he had even managed to forget that Harry's eyes and her's were the same. He had known them for nearly as long as it had been since he had seen them. For a long moment he could not speak. He could not handle his denial any longer.

    Lily expected this. She had a plan, she had an image in her mind of what he would look like, how she would greet him, everything. It was all planned. Sure, she was nervous, and there was room for it to backfire, but she felt confident. She knocked on his door three times like he always told her too. He could hear her in his mind as she did it - 'It seems very ambiguous, like something everyone does, so consciously no one will notice it but in reality no one actually knocks just three times like that, so I'll always know it's you,' and then he took her hand, and the two played with the idea of kissing for the thousandth time, but they wouldn't actually do it for several months. How wonderful things were before Hogwarts...

    Suddenly the door swung open, and every plan she had fell from her mind. Is this what the boy she knew had grown into? The robes, the hair, the stress written on his face... He was a wizard and he was a man. He was nothing like that boy, the Muggle wanna-be that inhabited her house and slept in her bed; the boy who had all the talent in the world but squandered it for motorcycle rides and unregistered Animagus status. Her eyes met his, and the two just stared at each other for a moment. It seemed he had forgotten how to speak for longer than she did, because soon she asked. "Can I come in?"

He nodded, not once breaking his gaze from hers and not yet using his voice.

    She stepped passed him, he closed the door behind her.

    Severus took his seat behind the desk and she sat across from him. There was silence for a while.

    "I've come about Harry."

    He just watched her.

  
    "...My son."

    "James's son." Was that it? Were those his first words to her after all these years? He felt the bitterness grow inside of him.

    She had nothing to say to that. His questioning only reminded her of her own doubts. She could not confirm it, not anymore. "He's certainly turning out like James..."

    "I've noticed." His voice was dry, disinterested.

  
    She was quiet for a moment. "I hate him for it, Severus. I hate both of them for it."

    "Why are you here?" He was tired of this subject. He did not want to have a parent-teacher conference with her and he especially did not want to be the Potter family therapist.

    "I was hoping you would help him."

    Help him? You have no idea, do you? And how dare you come here, asking me for help again after all these years, after all these things that I have done for you, Lily Evans. Lily _Potter._ All thought in rage that she would not hear. "I see." Still his voice was dry despite the fact that he was seething just below the surface. "And just what is it you think I can do for your boy, Missus Potter?"

    He cut her, and he knew he just what he was doing, too. Lily looked at him with pain in her eyes. Was that really all there was - had she done so much to him that she had become "Missus Potter"? She felt half the woman she once was. She took a moment to pity herself before getting back on track. This was not about her or Severus. This was about Harry and getting the best for him. She cleared her throat so that she could speak - it had tightened quite a bit. "I thought you might be able to encourage him. I know the students respect you a great deal."

    He had no remorse. He expected to, but he didn't. She felt only the smallest amount of pain that she deserved. "He's at the top of my class, Missus Potter. I don't really know what else I could be doing for him. As you're well aware, Slytherin and Gryffindor do not have a good relationships. I'm sure my words would not mean much to him."

  
    "I understand how well he's doing in your class, Professor Snape. It leads me to believe that you're one of the few adults he cares to impress. I believe that your influence could easily spread to other aspects of his life if you were so inclined."

  
    "And why, Missus Potter, would I be so inclined?"

    "To save other boys from what James put you through?"

  
     He was not interested.

    "To have a good influence on the next generation?"

    Still nothing.

    "As a personal favor to me?"

    "I am done with favors to you, Missus Potter."

    She took pause. "I see. Well... Perhaps with time you will reconsider." She did not feel hopeful.

    "I very much doubt it."

    She stood, and so did he. She extended her hand, and as was polite, he shook it. Inwardly it caused a multitude of mixed feelings but outwardly they both held their cool. Lily made for the door and Severus stayed standing. When she reached her destination she did not turn the handle, but instead she thought of her child once more. She could not leave with nothing for him. Facing Severus again, their eyes met.  
    "You have something else, Missus Potter?"

    "Are you familiar with wizarding medicine, Professor Snape?"

  
    "Of course."

  
    "Are you aware of the uncanny accuracy with which witch pregnancies progress without some extenuating circumstance?"

  
    "I am." He patiently waited for her to get to her point.

    "38 weeks from conception to the day, is it not?"

    "Sometimes to the hour."

    "Would you consider my pregnancy to have had extenuating circumstances?"

  
    "As far as I know James is human and is not inflicted with any magical diseases, and you are in the same condition, so no - you have no circumstances that would have sped up or delayed your pregnancy." What could this possibly have to do with anything? He prayed she was not pregnant again. The thought of giving her advice that in any way pertained to another James-spawn made him deeply uncomfortable.

  
    "That's what I figured too. But here's what I'm left with." She looked him dead in the eyes. "I got married on November 9th. Harry was born on July 31st." Lily had no intention of saying it plainly, nor of staying to hear Severus go through all the possibilities she had gone through herself. As he stood, mentally counting the weeks and the days, she left.


	3. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus deals with the revelation that Lily brought to him and Lily seeks advice from her old mentor.

    Severus could not deny the timing, and he could not deny one of the most basic, well-studied magical functions. Harry was conceived thirty-eight weeks and two days before the wedding - Lily was with Severus that day and that night and for the day after that and the evening before it. There was no doubt that Harry was biologically his child. How many others had done the math? Had James caught on? If he knew it wasn't his, did he know who else the child could belong to?

    Perhaps Severus did not owe Lily anything, but he did start to believe that he owed Harry something. He would do as Lily wanted - he would extend his influence and try to get Harry to find something better in his life.

    Lily had never before admitted that Harry did not belong to James. It was something that left her feeling shaken, and she was clearly distracted on her way out of Hogwarts. Luckily, she would receive some guidance from an old mentor.

    As she neared one of the floos out of Hogwarts, she heard an old, familiar voice call her name.

    "Miss Evans! Ah, I'm sorry. It's Mrs. Potter now, isn't it? It's wonderful to see you."

    She turned to see the owner of that friendly voice and to greet her in turn. "ProfessorMcGonagall. It's wonderful to see you as well." She feigned a smile.

    "I heard you were here to see Severus. You look like you need someone to talk to."

    Her eyes welled up a bit and she nodded. "You know, I really could."

    McGonagall took them to her apartment and brewed the two of them some tea. "I can't imagine what must have brought you to see him after all these years. Is everything all right?"

    She sifted through her thoughts. "No. Professor,"

    McGonagall interrupted her. "Minerva, please."

    Lily nodded, although it made her uncomfortable. "Minerva. Are you familiar with divorce?"

    She looked over the younger woman gravely. It had been a very long time since she had heard something so sad. "Oh dear. Yes, I'm familiar. Is it really so serious?"

    Lily shook her head. "I don't know. I was the most promising witch this school had seen in decades, Minerva. I could have done anything with my life, and I promised it to James Potter. And then I spent it raising a son, with the intention of working as soon as he went off to Hogwarts but..." she hesitated.

    "Aren't you working now?"

    "I suppose I am, technically. But I wasn't supposed to just have a job. I was supposed to be forging my own path. I was meant to be a great witch."

    Minerva took a moment to reflect. "I never knew Lily Evans to be held back from being a great witch."

    "That's just it. As long as I'm with him, I will never be allowed to be a great witch. He was supposed to be a great wizard, but he can't be a man long enough to do anything with himself and so every bit of progress I make he just works to undo me."

     She took more time to reflect - this was not something she or anyone could say lightly. "I mean what I said. The world cannot afford for you to be held back, especially not by your own husband. It's bad for the war, it's bad for women, it's clearly bad for Harry, and it's bad for you."

    Lily let out a deep sigh and nodded. Minerva confirmed things she already knew. "I don't know how to do it. Divorce doesn't exist here."

    "It is very complicated, but you need to be straightforward about it. Renounce your marriage, make it clear to everyone that your marriage no longer stands, and do your best to come to an understanding about your property and your child. Emulate the Muggle system, I suppose."

     "I'll have no friends left..."

    "I highly doubt that. You have many people that love you."

    "But I will be the deserter."

    "But you will still be Lily Evans."

    She smiled. "Yes, I suppose I will be."


	4. The Divorce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily makes her choice and begins to rebuild her life.

    It took her several more days to breech the topic with James. He thought she was joking at first, and then he was furious. After they argued he stormed out and spent the night with Sirius, who calmed him down and convinced him that it was the right thing. In the morning he came home and told her to find somewhere else to live. He would be keeping the house, and Harry would be staying with him.

     Lily was willing to live by his terms for now. It was not the time to negotiate. She arranged to stay with the Weasleys, although she desperately wanted to be with her best friend. She was afraid of the rumors that might spread if she were to move in with a man right away.

     She spent her nights with the Weasleys, and they were happy to help her despite Molly's complete disapproval of her choice. The days, all of them that Remus had off, she spend with her best friend. There was never any greater comfort than Remus. His temperament soothed her, his wisdom balanced her, his presence reminded her that she would always be loved.

     Within little time Lily began to grow outside the confines of her old boundaries. There was nothing overt, nothing inappropriate, but she and Remus began to stay up late and cuddle as they talked about this and that and nothing at all. Their comfort with each other found a natural, affectionate hold. Their feelings may have matured and mutated if given a lot more time, but that was not to be.

     As much as Remus loved Lily, he was falling in-love with someone else much faster and much harder. A young Auror could not keep her ever-changing eyes off of him, and after weeks spent with him in disbelief that she was really looking at him and not simply past or around him, she made a very bold and direct move. From there Lily and Remus returned to their old boundaries - still the best of friends, but no more snuggle parties. Lily began to spend her nights with the Weasleys again.

     It took her less than two months after she moved out of her home to figure out the next step she had to take in her life. It was on her mind constantly, and Remus was always encouraging her. She had already lived this many years holding herself back from what she wanted - how much longer would she wait, and what the hell was the point now? Still acquiescing to James's demands, she would not be greeting Harry at the train station for winter break. James would be explaining the divorce. Harry loved her - she knew that. When it was her turn, he would give her a fair listening to despite James's unfair attempts.

     Instead of being with her son the first evening of winter break, which is what she most desperately wanted to do, she decided to try to move on with her life goals. As she had just over fifteen years ago, she showed up tonight on Severus's doorstep entirely unannounced.


	5. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily arrives on Severus's doorstep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the series falls between this chapter and the previous chapter.

    Severus saw Lily through the small peep-hole in his front door. He felt as if his blood was going to boil. Anger was not something that he often felt, and it was always well controlled. Not today. She pushed him too far. Showing up in his office after fourteen years with not a word only to tell him that his son was being raised by that jackass all these years. And the time before that she had conceived that plague of a child just before she ran off to marry Potter. No. Too many times had Lily Evans ruined his life and the meager amounts of contentedness that he had managed to find. Still, something inside of him could not allow him to turn his back. With a clenched fist he pushed down his seething rage and swung the door open.

     Lily did not expect a warm welcome, but Severus did not hide his hatred well and she was thrown off. She stood before him, guard down and emotionally bare, and looked over his face and rigid features. They stood in silence for a long moment.

     "I'm sorry to drop in on you like this."

     "I highly doubt that." He wanted to hit her. That feeling sickened him.

     "I had to see you."

     "And what makes you think I would ever want to see you again, Missus Potter?"

     "Don't call me that," she snapped.

     His eyes narrowed. "And why not?" They could both hear the bile.

     She shook her head with disbelief. "Are you really such a well-bred pureblood now, Severus, that you can't even acknowledge the existence of divorce?"

     His features softened and his eyes moved down her body to examine her left hand. Divorce? Why hadn't he heard? Certainly he was not so out of touch. He felt his heart sink, but despite his desire to comfort her he could not fully let go of his loathing.

     "I don't expect you to understand, or to agree with my choice - no one does. I made my choice as a seventeen year old girl and apparently I ought to live with that for the rest of my life, regardless of anything else. But damnit, Severus, please," she begged. "You cannot call me by that name anymore. I cannot live my life as his property or in his shadow for another moment."

     He just watched her for a moment. She was trembling, her voice was giving way, and he doubted that the tears in her eyes were allowing her to see him any longer. There she was - Lily Evans. The immensely strong woman who was afraid of nothing - not even her own vulnerability as she stood crying on the doorstep of the man who had shown her nothing but contempt and rejection. Here was the beautiful girl that he knew all those years ago. How could he have ever forgotten her?

     Severus moved to embrace her, one arm with its flowing woolen vestment covering her shoulder and shielding her back. He led her inside, closed the door, and for a long time they stood in his entry way while she cried, enveloped in his cloak with her tears falling into his chest.

     Eventually she calmed and so did he. In a voice he had not used with her since they were on the cusp of adulthood, he welcomed her into his home and began to make her tea. She waited for him and tried to collect her thoughts. She tried to remember why she had come here, what her plan had been, and what she had hoped to gain by seeing him again. Certainly it was not just to come crying to him. She had come here to reignite things with him and to right the mistakes she had made so many years ago. She had little hope of fulfilling those goals now - not with how things had just gone. It was clear to her that Severus had long lost his passion for her.

     Soon he rejoined her. She anticipated distance, but Severus wanted nothing to do with that. He sat right beside her, his hip against hers, and handed her a warm cup. They sat in a gentle silence, both searching their minds for where to go from here.

     "I had no idea." He was apologetic.

     "News hasn't circulated the faculty?"

     He shook his head. "I imagine the headmaster has kept a tight lid on it, for Harry's sake."

     They were quiet again.

     "How long has it been?"

     "Nearly two months. I've been staying with Molly and Arthur."

     "That's generous of them."

     "Yes, it's been very nice." She tried to participate in what felt like small talk.

     Silence again, but Severus could not continue with unimportant questions.

     "Lily... why did you come to me today?"

     She bit her lip and thought about just what it was she wanted to say. Finally the truth emerged. "I have to get on with my life, and if it's in any way possible, I need my life and yours to be connected." Connected? What an odd word to use. He said nothing.

     "I don't know how my life should have gone, Severus. Maybe all of this was always meant to be - maybe my time with James was necessary, maybe our time together was good and maybe what we gave to Harry was what he needed. Maybe all the right decisions were made and I'm left in this chaos and pain for all the right reasons and maybe I really did make all the right choices - or maybe I made all the wrong ones and I'm just now starting to sort through the disastrous aftermath. I don't know. I've never known, I've just had fleeting confidence. What I do know is that now, from this point forward in my life, I need to have you, somehow, in whatever way you'll let me." Her gaze met his but she could not read his reaction.

     He watched her speak and he soaked in her words. It would take him much longer than this to process her proposal, but for now he could do nothing but grant her request. He took her cup from her hand, set it down, and slipped his hand in hers. He said nothing - he did not want to confirm any future plans; he did not want to lead her on. He could not simply break down the walls that he had spent the last decade and a half building because she came to him now. What he could do was love her here, in this moment, and press on from there.

    His touch was so very welcomed. She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder and he brought his arms up to fully embrace her. They each felt the pulse and steady breath of the other and it was comforting.

     They were physically close and they spent long hours catching up on the the years they lost of each other's lives. At the end of the night Severus showed Lily to the guest bedroom and left her with nothing more than a deeply ached-for kiss.

     As Lily settled into bed she felt contented. Certainly she would rather be sharing a bed with Severus, but it seemed at this point that she would have that opportunity in the future. For now she could feel hopeful, and that was so much more than she'd had in a very long time.

    In the morning she woke to the scent of cooking food. For a moment she forgot where she was - the smell was very similar to the Weasley's, but the dark curtains and the Egyptian cotton sheets shot her back into reality, and what a fantastic reality it was. She took some time to wake up before making herself look more presentable for her first morning with Severus. It was a difficult balance to strike - looking sexy, but as if she had done nothing. Lily straightened out her hair, cleaned up her face, and adjusted her neckline and breasts to be just a bit more flattering. With any luck, Severus would take note. With more luck, Severus would not take so much notice as to see through her shallow presentation attempts.

     Severus woke up quite aware of his situation and very nervous. After showering and attempting to form a plan for the day he spent another twenty minutes flipping through his closet, and once he was in his kitchen he spent what felt like hours agonizing over what to make for her.

     Ultimately his choices were... not like him. They would delight Lily, certainly, but they were not the choices that one would expect of Severus Snape.

    When she finally descended to the kitchen she found that she really had nothing to be worried about. It seemed Severus had wanted to make an impression as well. There he was, standing behind the island in the kitchen and frying vegetables, completely shirtless. Lily smirked and held her tongue. It was ridiculous, really - there was no way that this was how he conducted himself on an average morning. She could not imagine him, private, practical, and conventional as the year was long, baring his skin - especially not while cooking with oil. Still, it was flattering, and she appreciated the gesture. More than the gesture, she was appreciating the opportunity to see what had become of his form.

     He had been confident before he heard Lily's footsteps, and then he felt himself deeply wishing he had made different choices. It wasn't that he thought she would find him distasteful, but the whole thing made him feel embarrassed. He thought he could feel his cheeks growing warm. When Lily entered the room he refused to meet her gaze.

     "Good morning." There was a hint of seduction in her voice that she did not intend.

     "Good morning." There was no such thing in his. His tone was as dry as ever and he continued to focus on cooking.

     She cleared her throat and tried to clear her mind. Her eyes wandered his body despite her commands to the contrary. He was so pale and his body had become so very scarred in these many years. There were so many stories written in his arms and on his chest that she had not heard and that she wished she had been there for. There was something ghastly about his appearance, and it was certainly not her type, but seeing Severus bare before her like this made Lily shift in her seat and think girlish thoughts none-the-less.

     Finally feeling able to leave the food preparations for a moment, Severus excused himself. Lily watched him ascend the stairs, and when she was sure she was alone she dropped one of her hands between her legs. She enjoyed only a brief exploration of herself, but just knowing that she was still capable of getting worked up over a man brought her great relief. It was not something she'd had both the drive and relaxation for in quite a while and part of her had been afraid she'd lost the ability. Within almost no time at all Severus was coming back down the stairs with a loose, black linen shirt covering his upper body.


	6. An Advancement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Lily become more than just friends

    Lily stayed with Severus from that point forward, but at first their reconnection advanced slowly. They talked at length, stayed up late and shared every meal, but Lily slept alone in the guest room for quite a while and their behavior remained chaste. After the first few days Lily brought up the idea of her making her stay more permanent, and Severus agreed with his patented ambiguous tone and short, generic responses, leaving Lily unsure about how he actually felt about it. Regardless, she began to collect her things and rather officially moved in with Severus. When anyone asked, and many people did, Lily explained that they were only friends, and that there was nothing romantic or in any way inappropriate going on between them. Her words were true, but she wished they weren't.

    Once the guest room had fully become Lily's room, their relationship began to shift dramatically. They had only kissed the once since her arrival on his doorstep, but that was about to change without any forethought from either of them. The night of her move Severus made a special dinner to celebrate, and after they decided to open a second bottle of wine and retire to their living room.

    They sat on the couch together and turned toward one another to talk. Before long the bottle was half gone and they were close enough that their knees were touching. Severus decided to take a bold move that would, unbeknownst to him, open a floodgate.

     Lily's hand was resting on the back of the couch and in the middle of one of her sentences Severus set his hand on top of hers, hooking his thumb underneath to make it clear that his action was quite intentional. Lily finished her sentence, but with a voice that was trailing off. She stared at his hand for a minute and her cheeks took on a light pink tone.

    "That... feels unbelievable." she watched their skin like she didn't trust that it was real. She had wanted to be close to him again since her first night there, but she knew better than to rush him. Finally he was ready.

     He gave a very subtle, reserved smile.

     His expression became dead straight again. He inwardly analyzed her face, her voice, her body language, looking for any sign that she was uncomfortable, distrustful, or otherwise less than completely happy with him in this moment. "I'm still in love with you, Lily Evans. Even after all this time."

    She was at once anxious and exhilarated. She wanted to hear that, but was she really ready for it and all that it meant? It was too late, there was no going back. Her words were slow, she was hesitant as she let them leave her lips, trying to savor every syllable and revel in the pure simplicity of her statement. "And I am still in love with you."

    The two of them sat in a peaceful quiet for a moment. He began to rub her hand, drawing circles in it with his finger tip. She seemed thoughtful but made up her mind within a moment or two. Slowly she raised off of her seat, bringing her knees up onto the couch, and crawling forward just a bit. Severus held still, waiting to see what she was doing. She leaned in, holding her body partially over his, and kissed him.

    At first it was slow but the pent up passion and need could not be held back for long. Her tentative kiss quickly transformed to the two of them laying on the couch and making out like horny teenagers. Eventually they made love right there - on the floor, on the couch, bent over the coffee table, and eventually in his bed. They spent the night with each other for the first time in more than a decade, and they spent the rest of winter break sleeping in the company of the other.


	7. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Lily begin their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer between Harry's 4th and 5th years.

    It was mere months before their engagement. They had been separated from one another while school was back in session, Severus back at Hogwarts and Lily in their home, continuing to make a small living as a florist. The absence was unbearable for the both of them, and every night of Easter break they spent talking into the small hours of the morning. On the final night of break, as their conversation was drawing to a close, they could both already feel the sorrow and longing seeping into their hearts. They were laying in bed together, facing each other with their fingers intertwined and resting on Lily's hip. Lily bit her lip anxiously and was the first to speak after the long pause in their conversation.

    "I can't do this anymore, Severus," her voice was shaky.

     Severus looked at her with concern, masking the pain of his own. "I could stop teaching, if that's what you want." Teaching meant so much to him, but she would always mean more.

    Lily gave a sad smile and shook her head. "No, that's... I would never want you to do that. I just, I mean..." her voice trailed off.

    He removed his hand from hers and lightly set it on her cheek, waiting for her to speak again.

     "I had this gap in my life for so long, and it took me years to realize that what I needed was you. Now that I do, I want so much with you. I want to share a bed every night, and to have children and..." her voice trailed off again.

     "You know I've wanted that with you since I was a child, Lily. I have never stopped wanting that."

     There was a long pause in their conversation and once again Lily broke the silence. "Severus Snape," she cleared her throat and presented a strong voice. "I don't know what we're waiting for. Will you marry me?"

 

    By mid-summer they were married. Their wedding was a small ceremony with few in attendance and the reception was similarly sized. It went without saying that the majority of the community they were in did not approve of their union. It didn't matter - they didn't need fanfare or recognition, they just needed each other.


	8. Professor Snape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor Snape's first day of class.

    The classroom was clean and organized, all the instruments the students would need to use for in-class practice were distributed on the desks, the diagrams were hung on the walls, the front desk was clear and inviting... there was nothing more that could be done to make the room ready. But what about the teacher. Breathe, Professor Snape, just breathe. You'll do wonderfully.

    Students flooded into the brightly lit room. The first class of the day was Inanimate Transfiguration 2, which made the student body entirely post-OWL students. No matter - Professor Snape could handle this.

    Once everyone had found their seats formal introductions began. "Good morning, class. I am Professor Snape. I will be teaching you Transfiguration this semester." Lily smiled over the class of talented Sixth and Seventh year students. "I understand that it may be confusing with two Professor Snapes, but I do want to make it clear - I am not Lily, or Mrs. Snape. I, just like my husband, am Professor Snape. If you find yourself in need of clarification, please refer to me as the Transfiguration teacher, or to him as Potions Master or head of Slytherin." Her voice was kind, but her words were quite firm. She was not going to allow her career to begin with sexism.

    Her first day went quite well. Her students were attentive and the majority of them were full of as much wonder and enthusiasm as she had hoped for. She could feel herself making a difference and fulfilling so much of the potential she had built up inside of her. Life continued to be everything that she asked it to be and it continued to give her everything she had worked so hard to get from it.


End file.
